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Welcome to The Lunch Belle, a NYC based food and travel website that views various dining scenes and destinations through the lens - and belly - of a highly opinionated thirty-something.

xoxo, 

Lindsay

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My delicious calendar
  • 4/28: dinner at Flex Mussels
  • 4/29: brunch at Atla
  • 4/30: NYMFLMG brunch at Rachel's Taqueria
  • 5/6: P&J's Derby party
  • 5/6: Derby Day at the Union League Club
  • 5/7: Liz's baby shower
  • 5/7: Adela's birthday at Roberta's
  • 5/26-5/29: Newport, RI
  • 6/23-6/25: Lissa's bachelorette
  • 6/29-7/4: Maine
  • 7/14-7/19: London
  • 8/31-9/5: Lissa's wedding in Hawaii
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Entries in Funny shit (42)

Friday
Mar072014

Shit my coworkers say: Week of 3/7/14

...because being a foodie in a non-foodie work environment is hard. 

<>

"If I sat next to you, I'd be so fat."  Gee, thanks beotch.

"Oh, trying to be healthy today, eh?"  An inquiry I received while mixing my fruit and yogurt breakfast parfait in the communal kitchen. 

"Are you sure you want to eat those (handful of Girl Scout cookies)?  The weight challenge ends on Friday."  He exclaimed, with a sarcastic sense of concern, while I walked past his desk. 

 

~~~

Until we I eat again,

The Lunch Belle

P.S.  Want more of these?  Don't worry, folks, there will be plenty more to come.  Because my coworkers always seem to have something smart to say about the way I eat.

Tuesday
Jul022013

Because, aside from eating well, you also like to look hot: Let's talk about Botox/Juviderm/fillers, baby!

So go ahead and admit it, Lil' Miss Perfect:  You've either been injected or have seriously considered going "under the needle."  No way, you say?  Psssh.  You're fcuking lying!

I went "under the needle" for the first time in 2011.  In - where else - Los Angeles.   After receiving Botox in my forehead/brows, Juviderm in my smile lines, and some lip-filler...I felt like a new woman.  Well, it actually took a few days for everything to "set in."  In fact, 4-5 days post injection, I can tell you this:  It sure as hell wouldn't have been my forehead/eyebrows revealing any sign of happiness/surprise had you told me that I'd just won the lottery.  While my lips didn't look all that different, I simply could not get over my "semi-frozen forehead." 

Although treatments wear off after 4-8 months, it took me about a year to finally find a fabulous NYC-based dermatologist who specializes in "injectables."  I don't trust this face to just anybody.  And you shouldn't, either!  Last week, my friend, Victoria, had a "Botox/filler party" at her doctor's office.  Prices-per-syringe were being offered at such a fantastic discount that I would have been an a-hole to say no.  Plus, it had been 5-months since my last round of injections.  I felt a bit guilty "cheating" on my dermatologist but, at the end of the day, I'm all about saving a buck (or a few hundred).  Sorry Doc!

I was up in the air as to whether I should get filler in my top lip.  Why?  Go ahead and give the outermost portion of your pout the tiniest pinch.  Now, tell me about the tears that just rolled down your face and the "ouch" that you belted out, simultaneously.  Imagine that happening multiple times.  It wasn't until I learned that Victoria's doctor numbed the mouth prior to injection that I decided to proceed with lip filler.  "Hell yah," I exclaimed.  "Bring it on!"   So, after receiving approximately six novocaine shots in my gums, my lips were well on their way to looking a bit more like Taylor Armstrong Anjelina Jolie's.  "Wow," the doctor said.  "You're a bleeder!"  After informing her that I had been taking multiple doses of Advil for a back ache, she suggested that, next time around, I refrain from blood-thinning pain relievers for at least two days prior to treatment.  "Oh," I sighed.  "Really?"  She also suggested that I begin taking "Arnica" right away.  "It's over-the-counter and you can buy it at health food stores.  It will help with bruising and swelling," she said.  "I can tell that you're a sweller!"  Great.  Just fcuking great.

Post-party, some friends and I went to grab drinks at Bond St.  I figured that the Arnica could wait.  Mama needed a drink!  I mean, it's not like I got that swollen or bruised the first time I went "under the needle"...

I woke up around 1am to grab some water.  While walking back to my bedroom, I decided to take a peak at my sexy new pout.  Gasp!  My top lip made Taylor Armstrong's look like Garth's (from Wayne's World)!  I had a huge black bruise on the underside of my lip and a couple of bruises on either side of my mouth.  "This is probably just a nightmare," I told myself, while crawling back in to bed. 

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!When I was growing up, my mom always told me and my sister that most people were too focused on themselves to notice anything different/new on, with, or about us.  "It takes a 20 lb. weight loss for anyone to notice.  You may feel different after 5-10 lbs., but no one will be able to tell until 20.  Trust me," she would say.  So, despite the fact that I felt like Taylor Armstrong - I hate to say it but, post-ass whipping - I was trained to believe that no one would notice my upper "duck lip" or surrounding bruises.  "Remember, no one cares about anyone but themselves."  Right, Mom...

My boss was the first to comment.  And point.  "What happened there?"  And then my cubicle mate.  Followed by two of my girlfriends who sit nearby.  "You got all Kim'd up, girl," Reetu exclaimed.  I reasoned that people were either completely obsessed with me, or that my mom could not have been any further from the truth when she told us that no one would ever notice anything.  I'm going to go with the latter on this one.  Sigh.  

So, I decided that after - having to wear more makeup than Michael Jackson to cover-up my bruises - having to cancel all of my post-work social plans - not being able to look people in the eye/keeping my head lowered, that I would turn my personal martyrdom in to some key words of advice for those of you "injectable virgins" out there.  Oh, and one more thing, I'd like to say that my unfortunate turn of "black and blue" events is of NO fault of the doctor.  Now, back to my words of advice:

  • If you are getting lip filler, make sure to find out beforehand if the doctor will numb your mouth area prior to injection.  This is a must!  Otherwise, the pain will be excruciating!
  • Unless you can/want to craft a cool story about winning a street fight/mugging, do NOT snag a mid-week appointment.  It's like a dear friend said to me after-the-fact, "Dude.  Everyone knows that you get Bobo (Botox) done on a Friday after work!  That way you have the weekend to recover."     
  • TMI alert:  Ladies, do NOT schedule your appointment the week prior or during your monthly cycle.  Blood-thinning pain relievers contribute to swelling and bruising.  'Nuff said.
  • And, speaking of bruising, make sure to visit a health food store and pick up some Arnica.  Begin taking the pills on the day of your treatment - prior to your treatment.  Continue as needed.
  • Do not press or squeeze or manipulate the treated area(s).  Leave your damn face alone!!  Not only are your hands filthy, but pressure can actually move the product to an undesired location and make you look droopy and stupid.
  • The verdict is out on ice compresses post-treatment.  I will leave that decision up to you and your doctor.

Do you have any good/funny "Bobo" stories?  I'd love to hear them.  And if you'd like some doctor referrals, I'm happy to send them your way. 

~~~

Until we inject again,

The Lunch Belle

Wednesday
Oct102012

A couple of headlines that woke me up this morning...

My favorite posts of the day, thus far, in order of most shocking:

1)  Chain-restaurant discounts for gastric bypass patients

2)  Sarah Palin is writing a fitness book!

3)  Pete Wells discusses the tyranny of tasting menus (...wait, I thought that *all* fancy food critics dug tasting menus?)

Have you read anything today that shocked the hell out of you?  Let me know!

~~~

Until we eat again,

The Lunch Belle

Thursday
Sep272012

Oy gevalt!

..not sure which is more shocking:  The Louis Vuitton yarmulke, or that ridiculously greasy hair.  You be the judge!

~~~

Until we eat again,

The Lunch Belle

Wednesday
Sep262012

Gut Yontiff!

Wishing all of my fellow Hebrews a very Gut Yontiff (sorry, if you don't know what that term means, then this post obviously does not apply to you)!

~~~

Until we eat again (...after sundown, in this case),

The Lunch Belle

Friday
Sep142012

Is it just me...

...or does anyone else find it odd when, upon entering your office's/office floor's public restroom, there's at least one person brushing/flossing or gargling mouthwash?  I mean, can they not brush/floss/gargle before and after work like the rest of us?  Two times/day is enough, people!  Even my dentist said so!  And, hello, this is a PUBLIC RESTROOM we're talking about.  Germs are crawling everywhere...and they're not even your own!  But, I'm sorry, the worst part of all of this is:  Do these culprits not gag when the person in the stall behind them is dropping a deuce?  Or, perhaps, even worse:  There's already a horrific, permeating odor suffocating the restroom, like that stink-cloud that follows "Pig-Pen" from Charlie Brown?  How can one brush/floss/gargle in these dismal conditions? 

Look, I hate - hate - hate to be raw and disgusting but, come on!  I just couldn't hold it in for a second longer.  Now, please excuse me while I go puke...

Source: brushing your teeth dot com~~~

Gag me with a toothbrush,

The Lunch Belle