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Entries in Funny shit (42)

Tuesday
Jul012008

The Lunch Belle's latest "roll-your-eyes" moment

Males, typically under-the-age of 30, who feel the need to purchase a Wall Street Journal or Financial Times newspaper and pretend to read it while riding on the subway every morning. Hey, if you really do find the articles interesting, fine...But I'm hard pressed to believe that 99% of you fools just carry them dern papers around to prove to every other schmuck on the train that you work, or pretend to work, on Wall Street.

Oh ya, and one more thing, skinny guy...Your suit's too big for ya!

Wednesday
Jun042008

And the crappiest restaurant service awards go to...

*This doesn't mean that their food is bad...it just means that their service sucks!

Monday
Mar032008

Deep thoughts & the return of "I just don't get it!?" 3/3/08

After spending too much time in airports this weekend, I compiled a list of things & observations that really make my jaws clench. Why these particular issues bother me is anyone's guess, but I just couldn't keep them to myself!

1. Anklets/ankle-bracelets

2. Chinese-symbol tattoos

3. Guys who are married that DON'T wear their wedding rings

4. Chocolate-brown lip liner

5. Callused feet...Get a damn pedicure or don't wear open-toed shoes!!

6. Eye boogers...This just means that you don't wash your face when you wake up.

7. Bob haircuts that are longer in the front and shorter in the back (think T-Boz from TLC circa early 90's) ...Sorry, but this just screams out, "I'm from a small town in the Midwest or the South!"

8. People who don't say "thank you" after you buy them a meal or drink

9. Talking on the phone to someone who doesn't ask or care how you are...Especially if you're catching up because of distance (living in different cities)

10. People with crappy communication skills

11. Selfish bastards (pertains to women, too)

12. Pompous chefs

13. Guys with bad feet (sorry fella's, this is a total deal-breaker for me)

14. Hipster wannabes

15. chow.com "hounds" who think they're holier than thou because they don't like Magnolia Bakery cupcakes or The Stanton Social

16. Micro-managers

17. Dramatically being asked if you're O.K. because you're not smiling

18. Ordering your burger cooked "medium" only to have it come out well-done

19. Personal trainers who stare at themselves in the mirror while they're working you out

20. Female coworkers who don't "courtesy flush"

21. "Best" friends who don't call or send a card on your birthday

22. Leaders who speak just to hear themselves talk instead of delivering a concise speech

23. Those who will stop at nothing to get ahead in "Corporate America"

24. Unisex bathrooms

25. Couples who feel the need to tell people that "we're trying to conceive" (please, spare me the "trying" details...I'd rather not imagine you two in the act!)

26. If you still believe that he should love you for "who you are on the inside, despite your 30 pound weight gain," you're insane

27. People who take the credit for the work that you do

28. Those who can't seem to comprehend that there's no "I" in "team"

29. People who think they have an awesome singing voice, when in fact, they totally suck at it

30. $30,000 millionaires

31. Fake Southern accents

32. Giving advice to someone who asks you for it, only to react defensively to everything you've said

33. People who are stuck in high school and/or college~Grow up! That was SO TEN YEARS AGO!!!

34. Attention ALL men: Male friends/coworkers/(gasp)boyfriends who talk about how hot that girl is...Right in front of your face! Oh, hell no!

35. Holier-than-thou sales people at high-end boutiques who treat you, the customer, like crap. "Hello biatch! I'm the one shopping and you're the one behind the counter, remember?"

36. Wannabe socialites (ugh, why are there so many of you in Manhattan?)

37. Speakers, with a serious case of cotton mouth, that don't take regular sips of water...Ewwwww!

38. Males, under-the-age of 30, who feel the need to purchase a Wall Street Journal or Financial Times newspaper and pretend to read it while riding on the subway every morning. Hey, if you really do find the articles interesting, fine...But I'm hard pressed to believe that 99% of you fools just carry them dern papers around to prove to every other schmuck on the train that you work, or pretend to work, on Wall Street.

Monday
Dec102007

Drinks & app's at Rosa Mexicano, 12/10/07

Since I was on my death bed suffering from a heinous case of food poisoning, I was unable to attend my friend Bill's birthday celebration last weekend. In an effort to make it up to him, we agreed to meet for drinks and appetizers at Rosa Mexicano in Union Square/Flatiron.

I'll make this short and sweet, folks. I was so under whelmed by my pomegranate margarita, our order of guacamole and the chicken flautas...it almost brings me to tears. Not only did I personally celebrate a successful birthday dinner at Rosa Mexicano
, but I feel that I'm also their biggest cheerleader, constantly having to defend the place on chowhound.com. "...but the atmosphere is lovely, that's why you pay more of a premium. Their guacamole rocks and they make the best green cheese enchiladas."

Growing up in a Mexican border town, I know what a cheap margarita tastes like. And that pomegranate nightmare I ordered was made with the crappiest tequila I think I've ever tasted. So bad, in fact, that it burned my throat with every sip! The damn drink tasted like a fruit Slushee spiked with Everclear. Blegh!!! Why the hell are they charging $10.00 a pop for such low quality ingredients? The location rocks...but still!!?

The guacamole and chicken flautas arrived simultaneously. The avocados used to make the dip weren't ripe, resulting in dense chunks of green flesh, not creamy and buttery like the guacamole I've previously adored at Rosa Mexicano. For $14.00 per bowl, I felt completely ripped off.

The chicken flautas were tasty, but made with all dark meat, which I find repulsive. I equate dark chicken meat with McDonald's Dollar Menu McNuggets. No thanks!
On a positive note, the chips, salsas and homemade tortillas were tasty. But for a grand total of $70.00, this meal was absolutely not worth the outrageous price. It saddens me to write such a negative review about a restaurant that I normally love. Hopefully, Bill and I went on an off-night and this subpar experience will never happen again, however, I'm highly critical and don't give many second chances.