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Entries in Funny shit (42)


Restaurant Week: I just don't get it!

"Oh snap!" I gasped as we received our bill for dinner tonight.
How in the hell is it that I spend more money on NYC Restaurant Week meals (designed for mass appeal and value) than during regular, non-discounted lunches and dinners? WTF?!



Thom Bar: My resignation letter

Dear Thom Bar,

It had been a couple of years since I last paid you a visit, so I was really looking forward to returning last night for a friend's birthday. Your mixed berry mojito is a cocktail that I consider to hold a top spot in my "5 best beverages of all time." That was, until last night.

Upon arrival to your second floor space at the 60 Thompson Hotel, I was greeted by one of the nastiest hostesses I've ever encountered. She was so insistent that I "check" my coat, that I became suspicious that either: a) she wanted to steal it, or b) she would be pocketing the tip. My next run-in occurred with one of your male bartenders. It took him about two minutes to realize that I was ready to place my drink order because he was too busy flirting with the cocktail waitresses. When I asked what kind of vodka was used for my "vodka and seltzer," he condescendingly replied, "It's called Imperial Vodka and it's top, top shelf. We only use the best here, OK?"

On that note, Thom Bar, I bid you adieu. I will cherish all of the happy mojito memories we shared, but not enough to ever return. I don't need to pay $17/cocktail only to be treated like complete crap. I'll take my business elsewhere.

~The Lunch Belle


Drinks at The Rose Club

For those of you that are familiar with New York's famed Plaza hotel, you are well aware that this legendary landmark has been closed for a number of years due to renovations. Recently (make that very recently), she has reopened her grand doors. Now, should you fall in love with your boudoir while vacationing, The Plaza will not only extend your stay, but you also have the option to buy your very own piece of luxury Manhattan real estate. Yes folks, the famous hotel now shares its space with condos.

With such a lengthy hiatus, I decided that my mother's visit would be the perfect excuse to sample The Plaza's newly opened Rose Club for a post-work cocktail. We arrived at the hotel around 6 p.m. and made our way past the lobby's dainty Champagne Bar and up the grand staircase to the second floor. The atmosphere changed drastically from tranquil and bright European Renaissance to dark, subtly Gothic modern "club chic."

The bar and seating areas were almost occupied to capacity by the time my mom and I arrived. We did spot a table that had just been vacated, though not yet cleaned, and decided to grab it anyways. The location was perfect and we figured that someone would approach us shortly.

Ten minutes later, a waiter finally arrived and took our drink orders. Since beers were a staggering $12 and wines reached in to the early $20's, Mom and I were able to justify the $26 mojito (I suppose it was the "When in Rome" theory?). We also asked for glasses of water and for our table to be wiped clean of crumbs and that the previous guest's glasses be removed. While studying the room, I noticed that other patrons were receiving lovely bowls of nuts to nibble on as they patiently waited for their beverages. Mom and I just sighed, looked at each other and our dirty, empty table, and laughed out loud. Was it the fact that I was wearing Uggs or that Mom preferred wearing sneakers instead of stilettos (that we were so obviously being ignored)? Should my shopping bag have said "Chanel" instead of "Bloomingdales?"

When our drinks arrived, sans our requested waters, bowl of gratis snack nuts and without a hand-rag in sight to clean the table, I got angry. "Sir, our table has been dirty since we arrived. Please wipe it off. We also asked for waters and snack mix." The waiter glared at me and stormed off. When he finally returned with our items, he did not make eye contact with me and literally slammed the waters and nuts down on the table. Mom and I attempted to enjoy our mojitos, but sipped them as quickly as we could. Not ten minutes in to our cocktails, our waiter returned with our bill, which we had clearly not asked for. Interesting. What if we had wanted another round?

Will I return to The Rose Club? No thanks. I could think of plenty of things I'd rather spend $26 on. Furthermore, I'd rather not pay to be treated like total crap.


Since when...? (on-going)

Since when

...Were us ladies unable to purchase a designer bag or pair of shoes (exclusive of the Birkin) for under $1000?
...Did Mexican restaurants start charging patrons for chips and salsa?
...Did unisex restrooms become the "norm?" Ew.
...Are women too damn lazy to get their worn-out high heels capped? I hate the clicking noise it makes. Take care of yourselves, ladies! Jeez.